Today NATO announced that they would be conducting joint exercises with the British in order to obtain the perfect beach body in the run-up to summer.
Previously homeless Glasgow man now happily employed and living in luxury after being driven from streets by homeless barriers.
Scientists and philosophers investigating the true meaning of reality have discovered that the entire known universe exists merely for Rupert Murdoch to profit from publishing stories in his newspapers and television channels.
Following the story of a young British woman who got free drinks after performing oral sex acts on 24 different men, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg announced he would be changing his holiday destination to Magaluf this year.
On the brink of another misselling scandal, British banks hope to be buoyed by laundering profits from newly illegal khat trade.
“He began only communicating with us via text message or by making monosyllabic noises,” explains the mother of the teenage boy, “we contemplated changing his name to ‘Google’”
“If you tell a child that a slave girl could end up being a princess then they might grow up to believe it,” Chancellor George Osborne warned today.