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Environment

hands-holding-earth2

Alien life to pay “decent sum” for Earth’s resources

Politicians and economists rejoice today as alien life visited Earth to offer what is being called a “decent sum” for all of our natural resources.

21 April 2015 in Environment, World.
Morgan Apocalypse

Morgan Freeman to narrate the apocalypse, it has been announced

Smooth-talking veteran actor, Morgan Freeman, has reportedly been contracted to narrate the end of the world in a civilization-defining role.

7 October 2014 in Environment.
burning-man

Glasgow man found raindancing to be ritualistically burned

Glasgow resident Murdo McMannis found doing a rain dance in George Sq. every Friday afternoon is set to be ritualistically burned in order to appease the sun god this weekend.

25 July 2014 in Environment, Scotland, UK News.
Philip Hammond

Army to use new F-35 jets to “blast water back into rivers”

  Following pleas from a Wraysbury flood victim, Defence Secretary Philip Hammond (picture above) has used the flood defense money to purchase new F-35 fighter jets, costing a total of £2.5bn.

14 February 2014 in Environment, UK News.
Philippines earthquake

In other news, GOD is trying his best to wipe out the PHILIPPINES

  In a press release today God has announced that he is very sorry for the disruption but he is trying to build a new pitch and putt course in the Philippines and needs everyone out. As such he has decided to send every single bit of bad weather their way. Donate to God’s pitch…

12 November 2013 in Environment, Religion, World.
Crying Baby

CRYING BABIES everywhere to be assured that life gets easier

  A new national campaign to reduce the noise pollution caused by crying babies is focused around creating a positive perception of their future, a Home Office spokesperson has said. “This government, as the greenest government ever, is tackling all forms of pollution, particularly noise pollution.” said the spokesperson. “Studies have shown that children feel…

28 October 2013 in Culture, Environment, UK News.
UK storm

Hurricane St. Jude “worst UK storm to ever hit social media,” says expert

  The hurricane names St. Jude, after the patron saint of lost causes, was the worst UK storm to hit social media ever, it has emerged. “Weather warnings went out from the Met Office and the BBC on Thursday last week, causing micro-storms on Twitter” explains Dr Murphy, from the University of Studies. “By the…

28 October 2013 in England, Environment, UK News.

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