Yes and No voters, Scots, English, Welsh and Northern Irish alike, all breathed a sigh of relief today as Piers Morgan agreed to fuck off and live in the USA.
Devonshire monks at Buckfast Abbey are celebrating a historic win as polls open for the Scottish independence referendum.
In a shock twist to the Scottish independence campaign, First Minister Alex Salmond successfully invaded Downing Street today, declaring England for the Scots.
Glasgow resident Murdo McMannis found doing a rain dance in George Sq. every Friday afternoon is set to be ritualistically burned in order to appease the sun god this weekend.
Previously homeless Glasgow man now happily employed and living in luxury after being driven from streets by homeless barriers.
In an interview with Alex Salmond, the Scottish First Minister said he admired “certain aspects” about the Russian President, leading many newspapers to speculate that the two leaders may be having an extra-marital, homosexual affair.
Former secretary general of NATO, Lord Robertson, has said that Scottish independence could be the most dangerous prospect since Vladirmir Putin Sr. first put-it-in.