Alien life to pay “decent sum” for Earth’s resources
Politicians and economists rejoice today as alien life visited Earth to offer what is being called a “decent sum” for all of our natural resources.
Farage, Brand, Hopkins, and Kim Kardashian’s bum: An exclusive interview with Satan
After a two-week break, The Rough Times is back with this exclusive interview with Satan. We talk about hating all mankind, Nigel Farage, Katie Hopkins, Russell Brand, and Kim Kardashian’s bum
Hong Kong residents fight for right to choose corrupt bastards to govern them
Thousands of protesters in Hong Kong have taken to the street to demand the right to choose the corrupt leaders that will inevitably sell them out for a few quid.
“Violence to solve everything”, claim MPs
After years criticising Tony Blair and the Labour Party for dragging the UK into an illegal war with Iraq, Tory MPs have voted overwhelmingly to begin airstrikes on the same soil, concluding that “perhaps violence does solves everything”.
Man begins bombing raid against spiders in house
A man in Seattle, USA, has begun using high-energy explosive devices to rid his house of an infestation of spiders.
Hopes for US economy as one man reveals he can do work of entire nation
Paul Singer, founder of Eliott Management, has claimed to be able to complete “the hard work of the whole of Argentina” in a recent investor letter, buoying growth predictions for the US economy.
US Government to “redefine how many dead children is too many”
In response to the ongoing Israeli “self-defence” offensive in Gaza, US Secretary of State John Kerry has said that we must “redefine how many dead children is too many”.
