Kate Hopkins to be jailed for 48 years under new legislation

Kate Hopkins, the failed Apprentice contestant and professional spewer of bile, may be imprisoned for up to 48 years under new legislation to impose harsher sentences on trolls.katie-hopkins-tweet

The new legislation, proposed by Justice Secretary Chris Grayling today, would see the maximum sentencing for internet trolls quadruple from six months to two years. Grayling said that the legislation was needed in order to “take a stand against the baying cyber gob of Ms Hopkins”.

Following her appearance on The Apprentice – trying to get a job in Sir Alan Sugar’s now-defunct business empire – Hopkins took to Twitter in an attempt to become the most vile, hated celebrity in the UK.

“It was always going to be an uphill battle,” admits Hopkins, “when you are competing against the likes of Piers Morgan, Jeremy Clarkson, the entire of UKIP, and Danny Dyer, you know you have a fight on your hands.”

However, the recent departure of Piers Morgan to live in the USA has shifted Hopkins into the top spot.

“Many people do not realise, but they term ‘troll’ actually derives from Kate Hopkins,” explains Dr. Timothy Roll.

“The Guardians of the Internet got together to try and think of an appropriate name for a vile, caustic individual with no life who spouted ill-informed and hateful opinions online. Initially they were going to go with ‘Murdoch’ in honour of the media mogul, but there were too many positive connections with the A-Team. Eventually someone just looked at [Kate] Hopkins’ face and shouted ‘troll’ – it just stuck!”

However, under the new laws proposed by Grayling, Hopkins would face jail time for up to 48 consecutive years following 24 separate counts of online trolling.

“Of course, it would be longer, except newspaper columns and TV appearances are, thus far, not covered by the new laws,” explains Dr Jamie Saunders, Head of the UK’s National Cyber Crime Unit.

So what’s Ms Hopkins been saying to cause such offense. Here are just some of her tweets:

On Gazza’s alcohol addiction : “I don’t believe what Russell Brand says addiction. I just don’t buy it. It’s a behaviour. Gazza likes drinking, let him crack on. He is enjoying himself.”

On redheads: “Ginger babies. Like a baby. Just so much harder to love.

On obesity: “Would I employ you if you were obese? No I would not. You would give the wrong impression to the clients of my business. I need people to look energetic, professional and efficient. If you are obese you look lazy.”

On maternity leave: “The difference between most mothers and me is that I didn’t sit around drinking coffee at baby group for 12 months after the birth of my baby. No, in three weeks I was back in my suit, back at my desk earning profit for my business and I don’t see why other women shouldn’t do the same.”

On mums breast feeding in public: “Mammary militia breast feeding en masse in Costa. Puts one off their latte.”

On the elderly: “Personally, I hate mobility scooters. I find their owners intolerable”

On children with geographical names: “A name, for me, is a short way of working out what class that child comes from. [And I can decide from that] do I want my child to play with them?”

The final tweet was especially ironic given that Kate named one of her daughters “India”

However, not everyone agrees with the proposed new laws. Founder of the Free Internet Movement, Chris Mortenssen, said something about freedom of speech in the media but unfortunately all recordings of his interviews were lost in transit.

He did tweet later saying: “Isn’t it strange that you could be jailed longer for threatening to rape someone that actually committing the act”



Two years in jail for trolling? The Independent

Katie Hopkins says Chloe Madeley should ‘accept’ rape threats The Independent

Katie Hopkins’ worst quotes EVER – is she the most offensive woman in Britain? The Mirror

2 thoughts on “Kate Hopkins to be jailed for 48 years under new legislation

  1. So Trolls can rack up to 48 years of jail because someone takes things a little too seriously whilst on the other hand pedophiles and murder serve only 4-6 years for permanently damage someone and their family’s life? Good job British Government

Penny for your thoughts? (Note: I will not actually send you a penny)