Biscuit Greed will ‘LEAVE ONLY CRUMBS’

pickled biscuit


Tory MP Eric Pickles has, today, denied spending an extra £10,000 over the 2011/12 budget on biscuits.

Dianne Abbot said that Pickles has been indulging in Empire Biscuits with corporate leaders, pushing the biscuit budget up to an astonishing £40,000 – up from the very reasonable £30,000 in 2011:

“How can the Tories justify lavishing the super rich – most of whom are Jammy tax-dodgers – with empire biscuits when Britain’s working class are on the Shortbreadline“.

However, a Conservative spokesperson defended the bill, arguing that Labour are still “mopping up the cream” left by Gordon Brown’s government, who opted for Tunnock’s teacakes:

“It takes some nerve for Labour to criticise our snack habits when they left the country in a biscuit deficit. We are still mopping up the cream left by Brown and Darling.

“They truly are taking the biscuit”.

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg also defended the bill, insisting that Empire Biscuit tea breaks were at the heart of the Coalition’s successes.

He said: “The Lib Dems have certainly been the cherry on top of the Conservative-led coalition.

“Britain would not be nearly as delicious as it is today if it were not for the work of our party”. 

“The only difference the Lib Dems would make is capping biscuit prices for all students, and that is my election promise for 2015”. He added.

However, UKIP MEP Godfrey Bloom said it was crunch time for both governments. He said that Labour’s concerns are vanilla-wafer-thin compared to a significant overlooked threat.

“What has been missed from this debate is the overwhelming influx of Bulgarian and Romanian biscuits into England.

“They are taking all the jobs of UK biscuit manufacturers and will leave only crumbs for their families.

“Before long, national treasures such as Custard Creams will be pushed into a minority by Bongo Bongo Bourbons.”

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