Army to use new F-35 jets to “blast water back into rivers”

Philip Hammond

 

Following pleas from a Wraysbury flood victim, Defence Secretary Philip Hammond (picture above) has used the flood defense money to purchase new F-35 fighter jets, costing a total of £2.5bn.

“We want people to know that the army is doing everything in its power to help those victims of the recent wet weather,” said Mr Hammond in a press conference yesterday. “We have just approved the purchase of 14 new F-35 jets from the US which we will be using to blast the water back into the rivers.”

The Defence Secretary came unstuck in an interview with local Wraysbury resident on Tuesday aired on BBC News. In the scathing interview the woman accused the military of being “slow to react” to the crisis.

“We were aware that by cutting the flood defence budget and reassigning it to military jets may lead to a flooding problem, but we thought we would have a bit longer to complete the order,” conceded Mr Hammond.

“However, we have full confidence that this water is no match for our improved military might and we will successfully be able to beat it back, so in the long run it will pay off.”

“Don’t forget that without these jets we would not be able to keep threatening Middle-Eastern countries into providing drilling rights to UK companies, and without that we would all be forced to pay a bit more for our petrol. So this is an important project for the UK.”

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