Smooth-talking veteran actor, Morgan Freeman, has reportedly been contracted to narrate the end of the world in a civilization-defining role.
A broad coalition of global corporations – including Nestle, Disney, Unilever, Kellogg’s, and Coca Cola – along with the USA, Europe, South America and China have all backed plans to employ actor Morgan Freeman to narrate the coming apocalypse. The actor is reportedly being paid “all the money on Earth” for the deal, expected to be signed on Thursday.
“We are delighted to have Morgan on board,” said a Disney spokesperson, “he is an actor that has not just defined a generation but a civilization and we think that visiting alien archaeologists will recognise this.”
Ban Ki-Moon, Secretary General of the United Nations, said: “It seems irrefutable now that irreversible climate change is leading to catastrophic weather events and will lead to the end mankind.”
“As such, it only seems sensible to have an actor with Morgan’s talent and soothing baritone voice to narrate this coming apocalypse,” he added.
“I was what you would call an ‘eco-warrior’ for many years, but after the recent IPCC report last year I decided that there was just no point any more – we’ve passed the point of no return,” explained Sir David Attenborough, reportedly the second choice for the role.
“I for one would be glad to hear the voice of Morgan Freeman in those final hours of human existence. Some say that I should have been given the part, but then I would have to listen to myself at the end, and that would be terribly monotonous for me.”
When questioned on why he decided to accept the controversial deal, Mr Freeman responded by saying “Fuck it, why not?”