Union breathes sigh of relief as Piers Morgan agrees to fuck off forever
Yes and No voters, Scots, English, Welsh and Northern Irish alike, all breathed a sigh of relief today as Piers Morgan agreed to fuck off and live in the USA.
Buckfast monks win Scottish Independence Referendum
Devonshire monks at Buckfast Abbey are celebrating a historic win as polls open for the Scottish independence referendum.
Man begins bombing raid against spiders in house
A man in Seattle, USA, has begun using high-energy explosive devices to rid his house of an infestation of spiders.
Pack of wild dogs excited for their Top Gear appearance
A pack of wild dogs, said to have been drafted in from Mongolia, have told reporters that they are “excited” about appearing on the new series of Top Gear, and have been encouraging presenter Jeremy Clarkson to “fatten up”
Scotland takes over England while PM is away
In a shock twist to the Scottish independence campaign, First Minister Alex Salmond successfully invaded Downing Street today, declaring England for the Scots.
Hopes for US economy as one man reveals he can do work of entire nation
Paul Singer, founder of Eliott Management, has claimed to be able to complete “the hard work of the whole of Argentina” in a recent investor letter, buoying growth predictions for the US economy.
Panic for lesbians as Daily Mail readers donate sperm
Panic has spread throughout the lesbian community as couples trying artificial insemination told sperm “likely to come from Daily Mail readers”
