Hong Kong residents fight for right to choose corrupt bastards to govern them

Thousands of protesters in Hong Kong have taken to the street to demand the right to choose the corrupt leaders that will inevitably sell them out for a few quid.

hong kong protests

“The Chinese people simply want the right to choose our leaders,” explains one protester, Fu ‘Kid’ Ry Taph, 28, “at the moment we have to just deal with whatever corrupt leader we get rather than choosing our own.”

The protests have draw crowd of tens of thousands, facing off against police in full riot gear.

“In China, voters are given the choice of candidates only from the Communist People’s Party, but not from any other party. Other parties are not even allowed to exist,” says 21 year-old Fak Dis Xit. “In the UK you have many parties to choose from, even if all of them are worse than the People’s Party.”

The protests are being labelled the “Umbrella Revolution” as thousands of protesters arrive with their umbrellas out on show.

“The umbrellas are a symbol, a symbol to show that we are prepared for it to start raining bullshit if we get what we want – free and open elections for any candidate who has money and connections.”

In a mark of solidarity, the people of Scotland have been out in their droves holding signs that celebrate democracy and free speech.

One sign simply read: “F**k Farage” – a reference to the leader of the hugely unpopular yet growing right-wing UKIP party. Other signs read things like: “Bog off Boris”, “Cameron you C**t”, “Clegg the Smeg” and “Miliband = Miniballs”

86-year-old veteran campaigner, Eileen McMurphy explained that: “In China you cannot have a go at the corrupt, self-serving buggers that run the country, you can only choose between them and their best mate. In the UK we are blessed – we can not just choose the bloke who offends our sensibilities the least, we can call them a c**t while they do it. Could you imagine not being able to meet for a cup of tea and a nice long moan? What would we do with ourselves?”

“That’s why we are gathered here today, to show our solidarity and support for the people of China and Hong Kong specifically, to show them that the right to legitimately whine about our elected leaders is worth fighting for.”

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