NICK CLEGG to have artificial backbone surgically implanted

Nick Clegg

As David Cameron and Ed Miliband begin their warm-up exercises for the 2015 election, Deputy PM, Nick Clegg, is preparing to undergo surgery to have an artificial spine implanted.

“Obviously I am nervous”, said Clegg, “but losing my spine after the last election may really hamper the Lib Dems chances of getting elected in 2015″ he said, optimistically.

Fortunately for the 46-year old millionaire, the NHS has agreed to surgically implant an artificial spine as one of their last acts before complete privatisation.

“The procedure is complex, but if it goes well the Nick has PROMISED to keep the NHS a full-public entity after the election.” said chief surgeon, Dr. Gull Able.

“We just hope that the new spine holds up past the election date,” he added.

The artificial spine itself is the creation of one of his alumni chums at Cambridge University.

“We couldn’t have put together this life-changing surgery if it weren’t for the hike in tuition fees made possible by Mr. Clegg” said a University spokesperson.

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