Scotland takes over England while PM is away

In a shock twist to the Scottish independence campaign, First Minister Alex Salmond successfully invaded Downing Street today, declaring England for the Scots.

Saltire over Downing Street

While the leaders of the three main political parties, David Cameron, Ed Miliband, and the other guy, all headed north to try and convince Scotland to remain part of the Union, Alex Salmond made a shock move and invaded England.

“This was always the end-game,” explained First Minister Salmond with a cheeky smile, “we never wanted Scotland to be independent from the rest of the British Isles, but rather to take it all over for ourselves.”

While David Cameron appeared flabbergasted at the news, others did not seem as surprised. The Daily Mail political correspondent Jack Doyle said: “Of course Scotland have taken over, that’s all they have ever wanted to do and is why I have been warning the public away from independence over the last 2 years.”

UKIP’s Nigel Farage echoed these views, saying “I am not in the least bit surprised. The UK is the best country on earth, and to imagine that everyone with even a whiff of power isn’t trying to take us over is just plain silly.”

Deputy First Minister Nicola Sturgeon commented saying: “People wondered why the SNP and Yes campaign were offering such compromises as keeping the Royal Family and the Pound, but we have only been manoeuvring the Better Together campaign into deserting Westminster so we could move in under the radar.”

“Expect Alex Salmond to be a fair but firm ruler. We will be announcing a new constitution in due course, based largely around the work of Russia’s Lenin. That is all.”

 

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